Stinky Beard the Gross Edition

So a couple of nights ago, I had an upset stomach after we went to bed.  I couldn’t get comfortable I would go to the foot of the bed and back at the top.  Mom finally got up and went to the bathroom and I jumped off the bed.  Mom asked if I needed to go out to pee and I headed to the door.  Soon as I got outside, I started hacking and finally puked up my little guts.  Mom was watching me and she thought I was still throwing up my toenails but I wasn’t.  I was taking my nose and trying to cover it all up in case the Dingoes came around.  I didn’t want them to think I was sick and couldn’t defend my territory.  When mom realized what I was doing, she told me to stop it and get back in the house.  She took a wet rag and cleaned my beard.  The next evening when she came home and gave me a kiss she got totally grossed out.  She said my beard stunk.  I didn’t care cause that meant she wouldn’t be kissing me.  Again she tried cleaning my beard and put some perfume on it.  I thought that it stunk.  We go to bed and usually mom makes me give her kisses before she will give me my treats.  I started to give her a kiss and said oh hell no you still have stinky beard.  Long story short I scored the treats without having to kiss her.  The bad news I have to have a full on bath this weekend.